


If You Want Something Done...

by twoseas



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Domestic Avengers, Getting Together, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor, Sexually Frustrated Bucky Barnes, Sort Of, Steve Rogers is not innocent, Virgin Steve Rogers, but a whole lotta references to sex, but its not, like a box full of sex toys, no actual smut, please read the beginning note for further details, this sounds like it could be graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:30:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13897287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoseas/pseuds/twoseas
Summary: While helping Steve move back into the Avengers Complex, the team finds a box of his more private possessions. Steve Rogers may be a virgin, but that does not stop him from having a good time.Natasha is delighted, Sam and Clint are invested, Tony is scandalized, Bucky is frustrated, and Steve goes on a journey from absolutely mortified to complete acceptance.





	If You Want Something Done...

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING CONTAINS:  
> Metal dildos, vibrating anal plugs, prostate stimulators, remote controlled sex toys, metal and pyrex sex toys, handcuffs, under-bed restraints, flavored lube, Steve Rogers' enjoyment from being tied up in a sexual manner (Bucky Barnes' enjoyment from tying him up), references to men being able to suck their own dicks, various undergarments worn by a man (including but not limited to lingerie, thongs, assless briefs, and booty shorts), the deep throating of a popsicle, and the very real possibility of Bucky Barnes' metal arm being used in a sexual fashion. I think I listed everything, but honestly this is a pretty regular fic considering all that. Mostly it's talking about sex and masturbation, there is no graphic sexual content. Also, Steve's sexy collection 100% has a Winter Soldier Aesthetic 
> 
> Me @ me: you should try and explore emotion more in your writing  
> Also me @ me: write an entire fic around the idea of Steve Rogers having an extensive sex toy collection and being freaky when he masturbates

Moving back into the Avengers complex could’ve been a disaster. Instead it was nice. Really nice. 

Steve smiled as the team helped him move boxes back into his old room. Sure, he’d gone on the run, but not before he was able to pack some items away into storage under a false name. He opened a box of sketchbooks and tucked them into his desk, happy to have them in a place he could access easily. Natasha and Clint were in his closet, organizing some of his clothes. Sam and Bucky were passive aggressively shouldering each other out of the way as they moved to put towels and toiletries in the large bathroom. The others were out picking up food, everyone ready to relax. 

Tony flit around, opening drawers, cutting open boxes, and making snarky comments about Steve’s interior decorating. He paused, tipping his glasses off. “What’s this box marked ‘closet’? Steve if you dared to bring even more khakis and too small shirts into our home, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.”

Steve saw it all happening like it was in slow motion. Tony sliced the tape with a box cutter and pushed the cardboard flaps away.

“Tony, no!”

Steve’s shout did nothing to help. In fact, it made it much, much worse. 

The entire room went silent, watching Tony and Steve with curious expressions. Sam and Bucky left the bathroom, Bucky still holding a toothbrush holder and a bottle of body wash. Natasha smirked and Steve just knew that she knew. 

“Oh my god.” Tony’s voice lacked any emotion that wasn’t surprise.

“Please, don’t.”

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” he repeated with more emphasis. 

“Just close the box, I am begging you.”

Tony did not close the box. Clint, Sam, and Bucky all moved forward only to freeze as one. Natasha’s smirk widened.

Clint pointed down at the box. “Is this what I think it is?” 

“That is definitely what you think it is.” Sam had his eyebrows up, a devious smile forming as he looked from the box to Steve. “Who knew you had it in you, Cap?”

“Son of a bitch,” Steve whispered. 

Tony reached in and pulled out a large metal dildo. Steve did not miss the way Bucky openly gawked. “Ok, so I have some questions. First, please say you wash your toys because I picked this up without thinking.”

“Yes,” Steve grit out. He wondered if it was possible for a super soldier to die of embarrassment. If it was, he supposed that would have happened long ago. He cursed the world. If it had been possible, he would never have lived to see this moment. The world had a sick sense of humor. “Of course I clean everything. Hygiene and sanitation are the most important thing about maintaining them.”

“Good, good. Alright. So next question. Why do you have so many?”

Steve huffed. “Do I need a reason?”

“No,” Natasha told him at once, delight curling the corner of her mouth.

“Seeing as I’ve been operating under the assumption that you’re a hundred year old virgin, I’d appreciate an explanation.” Tony dropped the metal dildo, grabbing a black silicone plug instead. He toyed with it until it started vibrating. “Jesus Christ!”

“Can you not?” Steve snapped, completely aware of Bucky’s widening eyes and slackening jaw.

“I’m with Tony on this one,” Clint said, studying the contents with a critical eye. “This is a lot for a guy who according to Nat has no time to date.”

Tony pointed at Clint, nodding his solidarity. “You can see why the dichotomy between virginal national icon and collector of a great many sex toys is kind of frying our brains here.”

“They aren’t mutually exclusive, Tony.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Steve sat on the bed. He needed a day off. “If anything, the first explains the second pretty well.”

“I honestly don’t know what to say to that.” Tony waved a prostate stimulator at Steve. 

“Are we not going to talk about the broken cuffs?” Sam, the traitor, reached in and pulled out the mangled handcuffs. Bucky’s eyes followed the broken restraints with a sort of horrified fascination.

Steve wished he had never been pulled from the arctic.

Tony pointed at the twisted and snapped bits of metal in Sam’s hand. “There! Why do you have cuffs? Who were you cuffing? Steve, I will literally pay you cash money to tell us.”

“I wasn’t-” Steve cut himself off and looked to Natasha for help. She shrugged a little, green eyes twinkling, and Steve figured that he might as well answer and get this all over with. “I didn’t cuff anyone. They’re for me.”

“What.” Bucky spoke at last, steel blue eyes flickering from the cuffs to Steve. 

Steve closed his eyes and just said it, spilling the truth as quick as he could. “I use them. On myself. Just like everything else in there.”

“Why are they all wrecked?” Clint poked at the cuffs which Steve would need to replace. They were on their last legs the last time Steve had indulged and he could see that he probably should’ve gotten rid of them and bought a new pair. 

“I’m strong.” Steve cleared his throat. “And enthusiastic.”

Natasha moved from her position by the closet to look down into the box. “How many have you gone through?” 

“A lot.”

“A rough number?” Tony pressed. 

“A lot,” Steve growled. 

“Ok, jeez.” Tony dug through the box and held up a curved toy that Steve had been particularly fond of, even if he wasn’t thrilled at Tony staring at it like he was discovering a new element. “No need to bite my head off, I just didn’t realize you were so into...you know.”

“Sex?” Steve asked dryly.

Sam and Clint snickered and Bucky was still staring at him, expression now unreadable. 

“Just because I haven’t managed to get a partner, doesn’t mean I don’t like it,” Steve ground out. 

Tony raised a disbelieving brow, Clint and Sam both sharing similar incredulous looks. “You can’t find a partner? Grade A certified All-American beef can’t find a partner to spend the night?”

“I call bullshit,” Clint said at once. 

“Steve, I’ve got to agree.” Sam looked Steve up and down. “You’re Captain America. You can get laid easy.”

“That’s the thing,” Steve half shouted. “I’m not Captain America! I’m Steve!”

Natasha sent Steve a small, reassuring smile that gave him the courage to keep going, even as she rummaged through his sex collection. 

“Of course some people want to sleep with Captain America,” Steve groaned. “Do you know how many people have stopped me on the streets or during a cleanup to ask me to have sex with them while in uniform? They even specifically request suits.”

“But that’s not me. This,” Steve waved at his body. “This was never me. They want my post-serum body and my Avengers image. They don’t want dorky, awkward, say the wrong thing, inexperienced Steve Rogers. I was shocked enough when Peggy liked me even after knowing what a mess I am. When I was young, no one wanted me because of how I looked. After Dr. Erskine took care of me, people only wanted the body I suddenly had. And that’s- that’s fine. I get it. But that’s not me. If I’m going to have sex, I want it to be with someone I love and I want them to love me too. I want commitment.”

The guys all started to give him pitying looks. Except Bucky, who was still staring. 

“Don’t pity me,” Steve sighed. “I don’t need it. Clearly I can handle things myself.”

“Oh, I think you’ve got handling yourself more than covered,” Tony agreed. “Where did you even get all this?”

“A sex shop.”

Bucky gave a visible start. “What.”

Steve wondered if Bucky would ever be able to say anything other than ‘what’ around him ever again. 

“Wait, you went to a shop?” Tony’s eyebrows reached for his hairline. “Like an actual, physical, brick and mortar shop? Why didn’t you just go online? How did Captain America shopping at a sex shop not become a world trending topic?”

Steve rolled his eyes and brushed off his awkwardness for the sake of more unpacking. Stuffing his socks into drawers made for a passable distraction. “Shops are better than online. You can look at everything in person and make more informed choices. And the workers are very knowledgeable with recommendations. They’re also professional and discreet.”

“Steve,” Clint drawled. “Do you have a favorite sex shop?”

“And workers?” Sam leaned forward eagerly, attention on Steve rather than the box of masturbatory aids. “You have favorite employees, don’t you? People who told you what they liked and listened to all your kinks and everything!”

“Well, I had to figure out what I wanted and they were really helpful.” Steve shoved his socks in with more force than was strictly necessary. “When you haven’t got any hands on experience, you have to make do with alternate resources.”

“I have a pair of these!” Natasha interrupted them with her excited declaration. She held up a lacy, beribboned pair of black undergarments. “Same color too.”

Heat suffused over Steve’s face. Natasha turned the lingerie bottoms from side to side, giving the room a good look at its delicate stitching. Bucky’s eyes were wider than ever and his face had turned a shade of red that Steve would bet was only rivalled by his own. 

“Ok, if you’re not getting any then why do you have women’s panties!” Tony pointed an accusing finger at the aforementioned underwear. 

“They’re really comfortable, right?” Natasha’s gaze moved between Steve and the underwear in her hands as she ignored Tony completely. “I’m glad you’re buying more high end. The cheaper stuff fits awkwardly and can ride up in the wrong places.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, having already accepted that this was his fate now. He never wanted his friends to know this much about his sexual preferences, but there was no going back since Tony just had to open the stupid box. “I learned that pretty fast.”

“I would’ve thought you were more into simplicity, though,” Natasha continued. “These are pretty ritzy.”

“Those are for special occasions. Just...keep digging.”

Smile turning manic in her enthusiasm, Natasha dived back into the box with renewed vigor. She held up Steve’s favorite pair of tight booty short, the black and red ones with the subtle shimmer. “This is definitely more what I expected. Nice, a little flair, but not too complicated.”

She threw the booty shorts at him and Steve grabbed them midair before stuffing them into this drawers beside the socks.

“One with an ass slit too! Steve, I’m very impressed,” Natasha purred, still rifling through the box. She must’ve gotten to all his “sexy time” underwear. The thongs. The briefs. The other booty shorts. The lingerie. Steve would care more if he hadn’t already used up his lifetime supply of embarrassment.

“Have you been wearing sexy underwear this whole time?” Tony demanded. “That’s it! Drop trou, we need to know.”

Something cracked and creaked in protest. Steve watched from his peripherals as Bucky tried to hide a now crushed metal toothbrush holder. 

Clint kneeled by the box, joining Natasha in her search. “Steve, my interest in how you masturbate has risen exponentially.”

“Me too. I know it’s not like traditionally cool to care this much about your bro’s habits, but I’m honestly so invested at this point I feel like I should apologize,” Sam told Steve. 

“You’re not sorry at all, are you?” Steve frowned.

Sam’s response was a unrepentant smile. “Come on, man. It’s way more interesting than the usual lotion and box of tissues.”

“Heads up, Rogers.” Natasha threw more pairs of underwear at Steve. Because he wasn’t a savage he folded them and put them away. He had his socks, his everyday underwear, and now his sex underwear all in neat sections.

“Is this flavored lube?” Clint waved a bottle. It was definitely flavored lube. Natasha nodded at it with approval.

“Aha!” Tony spun in a dramatic circle. “Why would you need flavored lube by yourself! Who have you been having sex with, Rogers? Who brought you into this world of sex and sin?”

“Tyler and Bernadette at the shop gave that one to me for free,” Steve answered easily. He had transcended all shame. Something happened to a man when he caught his assless briefs in front of all his coworker/friends as those same friends dug through the things he used for the explicit purpose of getting off. 

“Then why’s it half full?” Sam asked. 

“It’s still lube,” Steve shrugged. “And I’m pretty flexible.”

“Oh my god!” Natasha squealed. 

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” Tony groaned. 

“What,” Bucky demanded. 

Sitting up with the look of a dog about to get a new treat, Clint focused entirely on Steve. “Please tell me you’re about to confess to being a member of the I Can Suck My Own Dick Club. Please, Steve. I need this.”

“Clint, you’re a member of that club,” Natasha told him absently. She pulled out a few other lube bottles, eyeing them with interest. 

“Which is why I want another member!” Clint exclaimed. 

“You’ve seen me train,” Steve told Clint dryly. “What do you think?”

“I fucking knew it!” Clint fistpumped. 

“Sweet baby Jesus,” Sam swore. 

There was an odd noise, like something small had depressurized or ruptured. Steve stared down at his carpet, now stained by most of the contents of his bottle of body wash. Bucky was not looking at any of them, eyes distant and flesh hand clenched over the now useless bottle. He stalked off, dripping body wash all the way to the bathroom. As he returned with a towel to clean up, Steve wondered if his oldest friend was ever going to be able to look at him the same. Also, now he needed to go buy more body wash. And a toothbrush holder. And maybe some handcuffs that weren’t broken.

“Which flavor do you like best?” Natasha weighed two different bottles in her hands. “I’ve never tried mint.”

“You have more than one flavor of flavored lube?!” Tony screamed.

“Watermelon is my favorite,” Steve told her, turning his back to put some of his books on the shelf. “But mint is good. It does kind of tingle though, in case you don’t like that.”

“Do you?” Her eyebrow arched playfully. 

“How much is left in that bottle?” Steve volleyed back. 

“Rogers, who knew you liked a little pain with your pleasure,” Natasha teased. 

She absolutely knew, Steve could tell. “Sometimes not just a little,” he told her over his shoulder.

“This century is cancelled!” Tony declared. He stomped his foot to make a point. “Absolutely cancelled. It corrupted Captain America. It’s the worst. We’re skipping it.”

“Tony,” Steve smiled as pleasantly as he could, eyes full of mischief. “As much as I love this century’s sex positivity, do you really think any of this is new?”

“What,” Bucky demanded of the floor, still cleaning up the body wash. 

“What he said,” Tony demanded in turn. 

Steve crossed his arms, fully embracing the conversation. He was no longer embarrassed, he long said goodbye to resignation, he was now at acceptance - the most powerful stage. 

“Pal,” Steve drawled, letting some of his old accent saturate his words. “I was a skinny kid who was more likely to be stepped on than asked to bed. I was drawing porn that coulda got me arrested and working myself open with vaseline in the middle of the night the second I developed a libido.”

“Holy shit,” Sam declared, half impressed and half stunned. 

“This is the greatest day of my life. And welcome to the club, Steve!” Clint announced with feeling. 

Natasha was still digging through the box. “You have a lot of metal and pyrex toys,” she hummed. 

“I like the play of textures and temperatures,” Steve said immediately. 

Tony was actually, for once, speechless. 

Head bowed and hair covering his face, Bucky scrubbed the carpet so ferociously that Steve was pretty sure there wouldn’t be any carpet left when he got done with it. 

“We bring pizza!” Thor declared, entering the room with fanfare. He carried several stacked boxes, the smell of sauce, cheese, and baked bread wafting around them. Bruce, Wanda, Vision, and Rhodey followed close behind. 

“Are you all ready to eat?” Wanda asked, sweet smile on her face. 

“Great timing, guys,” Steve clapped his hands. “I just finished the books.”

He marched out of there, head high. 

 

“You’re all acting very odd,” Wanda said after most of them had finished eating. Steve, Bucky, and Thor had taken down more than two boxes each.

“How so?” Natasha smiled blithely. 

“Tony literally hasn’t said a word since we got here. I’m worried,” Rhodey countered.

Tony sat in his armchair, hunched over and staring at Steve. “Don’t worry about me. Worry about him.”

“What about the captain?” Vision inquired. 

“Tony’s worried for his eyesight,” Sam chuckled. “Thinks he might go blind.”

Clint laughed hard enough to fall off the couch in a snorting, gasping mess. 

“I get that reference,” Bruce sighed. Thor tipped his head at the doctor, curious. “So I don’t think I want to know.”

Steve glanced at Bucky. He was standing at the kitchen island, eating from his last box of pizza and determinedly ignoring the rest of them. 

Well, if he wasn’t paying attention…

Casual as can be, Steve stretched and made his way over to the freezer. He could feel Tony’s gaze boring into his back. “Dessert anyone?”

Various shouts for ice cream and popsicles had him stacking a few cartons and grabbing some spoons. As soon as those were distributed, Steve leaned against the arm of Natasha’s chair. She looked up at him, mouth pursed in obvious amusement. 

“Really, Steve?” She asked out the corner of her mouth. 

Steve slowly unwrapped his own popsicle, determined to put on a show. If there was one thing that could overcome Steve’s bashfulness, it was his compulsive need to be a total asshole. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Without further ado, Steve deepthroated the popsicle. 

“OH COME ON!” Tony shouted, hand waving at Steve. 

Steve smirked around the frozen treat, basking in Natasha and Clint’s laughter. As his gaze rose, he nearly choked. Not because he had a popsicle down his throat though. No, it was because Bucky was across the room, staring right at him with the kind of deadly intensity Steve had come to associate with the moments before Bucky would take a shot. 

Breaking eye contact and suddenly flushed once more, Steve eased the popsicle out of his mouth and ate it like a normal person. 

If he refused to look in Bucky’s direction, that was his own business. 

 

Some hours later, Steve bid the others goodnight and moved into his preferred nightly routine, brushing his teeth and showering up before bed. Hair damp and standing in his towel, Steve dug through his drawers for his night clothes. Chewing his lip and glancing at the still open box, Steve grabbed the red and black booty shorts instead of his usual cotton boxers.

They’d spent enough time talking about it. Might as well do it, he supposed. 

Throwing his towel into the hamper and shimmying into the silky underwear, Steve moved towards the box, weighing his options. With a decisive nod to himself, Steve grabbed the leather under-bed restraints, one of his remote controlled prostate stimulators, and a bottle of (non-flavored) lube. 

Just as he was about to get started, one soft knock sounded at his door. Steve froze. 

Momentarily panicked, Steve threw the toy and lube onto the bed, grabbed one of his looser hoodies, and zipped it up. Opening the door just enough to peak his head through, Steve blinked. 

“Hey, Buck. What’s up?” Steve aimed for nonchalant. 

Bucky frowned at him, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Can I come in?” 

Looking over his shoulder at the bed and his completely unhidden items, Steve swallowed. “Uh, sure. Just give me a minute.”

Using his metal arm, Bucky blocked Steve from shutting the door. “What?”

Keeping his not inconsiderable bulk in the way of the door, Steve huffed a laugh that he hoped didn’t sound as borderline hysterical as it felt. “You know, got to clean up. Moving day and everything.”

He put more force behind his second attempt to shut the door, but Bucky put just as much force into keeping it open. The door gave an ominous creak. “Steve, I was literally in there while you were moving things in. It’s fine. I really need to talk to you.”

Steve smiled, but he could feel the unnatural strain of it as he put more force into keeping the protesting door mostly shut. “Just one second and I’m all yours, ok?”

“Steve, seriously?” Bucky scowled. “It’s fine. This is more important.”

As Steve floundered for a better excuse, Bucky slammed into the door, cracking one of the hinges as he threw it wide open. 

Steve backed up instinctively and did his best to keep the door on its partially damaged hinges, gingerly easing it closed. He turned around just in time to see Bucky freeze about three steps in, gaze immediately going to the bed. 

“Holy fuck,” Bucky whispered. 

Steve’s mouth opened before snapping shut, his mind completely incapable of coming up with an excuse.

Bucky turned around slowly, eyes dragging down to Steve’s uncovered legs and the very obvious pair of underwear. “Steve.”

“Ok, so,” Steve swallowed harshly, hands coming down in a pitiful attempt to cover his crotch. “This is exactly what it looks like.”

Advancing slowly, Bucky closed the scant few steps between the two of them. “Steve,” he rumbled in a low growl.

In hindsight, Steve probably shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was when Bucky slammed him into the door and started kissing him. 

“Bucky,” Steve gasped. 

“What,” Bucky demanded, hands ripping the hoodie from Steve’s body with an ease that had Steve panting. 

“Wh-what are you doing?” Firm hands gripped Steve’s hips, pushing him back into the door. Steve groaned. 

Bucky’s teeth scraped at Steve’s collarbone, his tongue flickering over the bite. “I think I’m being pretty clear in my intentions here, Steve.”

Spun around by Bucky’s controlling grip, Steve allowed himself to be led towards the bed with more docility than he had ever shown in his entire life. “Ok, yeah, but this is kind of coming out of nowhere.”

“Is it?” Bucky murmured against Steve’s neck before nipping lightly at the sensitive skin there. 

Steve moaned as Bucky’s hands wrapped around his wrists, guiding them into the restraints he had open and ready. 

“Because the way I see it,” Bucky whispered huskily. “This has been a long time coming. I love you. And you love me, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Steve gasped out his answer as Bucky tightened the straps around his wrists. “I love you so much.”

“And we’re pretty committed to each other, right?” Bucky trailed his metal fingers down Steve’s side, along the expanse of his thigh, into the bend of his knee. With a sudden movement he had Steve’s leg hitched over his hip.

“Til the end of the line,” Steve stuttered out. 

“Til the end of the line,” Bucky repeated, grinning down at him. 

“Now,” Bucky breathed into the space between them, his lips brushing featherlight over Steve’s. “How about you show me exactly what you like to do with all those toys in that box of yours?”

Steve stared up at him, heart hammering and gut tightening in want. “There’s a lot in there, Bucky.”

Bucky’s grin turned predatory, blown pupils taking over the gray blue of his eyes. “Yes, there are.”

 

About twenty minutes later, Steve had to add new under-bed restraints to his list of things to pick up. 

  
  



End file.
